Mr. Sinatra You're Wrong ...

I'm a big fan of old blue eyes, the chairman of the board, but I'm afraid I just have to disagree with the sentiment expressed in one of his most popular songs "You're Nobody Till Somebody Loves You". It's just so representative of the unhealthy essentialism that characterises popular notions of romantic love.

What is romantic love? The meaning of life ... oh give me a fricking break!

It is I'm sad to say (well no there's nothing to be sad about, it is what it is), just chemistry. No, not chemistry as in "We have great chemisty". It's real chemistry ... you know, that subject that used to make your brain hurt at school (or university if you were a masochist). Essentially all those lofty feelings of passion, euphoria, sleeplessness, attraction, attachment, warmth, blah blah blah are the result of biochemical highs associated with the neurotransmitters phenylethylamine (PEA), dopamine, and norepinephrine. The effect of these chemicals have been likened to the addictive properties of cocaine ...

Accordingly the idealisation of the romantic ideal seems to rest on tenous foundations i.e. the fickleness of chemical mood swings. Millions of people have been suckered into this romantic ideal and are caught in a cycle of romantic addiction, seeking forever to maintain or recapture romantic highs which inevitably dissipate in every relationship as the novelty wears off and the chemical resistance kicks in.

In light of this it would perhaps be better to take the advice of one Alisha, "If you're nobody untill somebody loves you, love yourself, it guarantees your ability to be somebody."